THINGS THAT GO BUMP IN THE DAYLIGHT

Did you know the royal zygote already has a horoscope?  That’s right, Kate Middleton’s bump already has a personality profile.  For some reason, that bothers me a little.  All that expectation being placed on the poor little thing before it even has fingernails. 

They say Prince William is a Cancerian. His mother, Diana, was Cancerian too. And her grandchild is set to also belong to this sign. Babies born around the middle of 2013 will capture, in their horoscopes, the exceptional energy of seven rare ‘squares’ being formed from Uranus to Pluto. It will be over 60 years until the world comes under such an awakening influence again. Horoscopically speaking (yes, I did make that word up), it is believed the new heir to the throne will ‘play a crucial part in a consciousness revolution that inspires the children of tomorrow to create a dramatically different, far less fearful future.’  Yeah, no pressure there. 

Lately, I’ve been extremely fearful, so less fear sounds just grand to me.  My car died last week and now I have to buy a new one.  That alone is enough to induce sleepless nights.  But, there’s more.  In Ireland, as in most of Europe, most people drive manual shift cars.  I do not know how to drive a manual shift.  Automatics are costly and difficult to repair.  In fact, there is only one place in the entire country that works on automatic transmissions.  So, a few friends have been trying to teach me how to drive a manual shift car.  The result is a complete FEAR CIRCUS.  I’m absolutely no-frigging-good at it.  None.  Not at all.  The whole car thing is making me so nervous, I jump at every little bump or noise.  Yesterday, I had a nightmare during a day dream. 

So, you may say, get over it and buy an automatic.  Then the whole ‘we-can’t-repair-this’ scenario will probably repeat itself all over again, at some stage.  I live in the middle of nowhere.  A car is imperative. 

For the longest time, I wanted to be the reclusive writer who lived by the lake.  Far from the madding crowd.  It was a dream packed with such passion and drive that it kept me alive through some of the most emotionally challenging events in my life (so far).  Now I’m here and delighted to have realized that dream all those years ago.  But a funny thing happens when you get what you wish for.  It usually comes with an unexpected lagniappe.  [Lan-yap (noun) – gift with purchase; something that is added.] 

I’m thinking Kate Middleton was probably eager to make a baby.  But now she’s got morning sickness that sounds more severe than radiation poisoning. 

I wish those horoscope experts would/could warn us about these little added surprises.  It might not change the outcome, but it could ease the fear. 

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